I’ll never forget in the first days after bringing Brogan home from the hospital, wondering how you manage to do anything other than care for your baby. And secondarily, how in the world does anyone ever do this with two?!? It was completely overwhelming; my entire day was wholly consumed with this new little being. I found it hard to do anything for myself – eat, pee, shower, you know, the basics. But eventually I was able to care for myself again. As time went on, I’d get in the groove feeling in control, routine down pat, and then guess what? The damn routine would change. But I found that each time, no matter what the change, I was able to roll with the new stage. I slowly gained confidence. And what was in the beginning incomprehensible – going back to work, actually cooking a home-cooked meal (while home alone with a little one), keeping my house clean – gradually became something I could do. (Well, except keep the house clean, who am I kidding?)
And then Beckett came along and my frame of reference was totally different. Compared to my very active two-year-old, here was this newborn who actually stayed where you put him! How easy! But it wasn’t all that easy, because now there were two and I was recovering from a c-section. I needed a lot of help and I was fortunate to get it. But then one day, I had both boys all by myself all day, and a funny thing happened – we managed! I was able to feed them both, feed myself, no one was injured and my sanity remained intact – win. It was affirmation that whatever was thrown at me, I could handle it. I don’t always handle it with grace, but I’ve learned that it doesn’t all have to be perfect, and sometimes the kids are just gonna eat goldfish off the floor. No biggie.
Yes, now we’re in a place where I feel really in control. Sure there are days when they push me to my limits, and I know I’ve not seen all they have in store for me, but whatever the future holds, I’ve learned that I’ve got this. If the new mom I was in Brogan’s first week could see me now, she’d be impressed. At that point I didn’t understand how some moms did it all (or anything, for that matter). I never would have thought being a working mom would fit me so well; that I would actually cook dinner almost every night; that I’d be writing a blog. But here I am doing this mommy thing and loving it.
I write this because I know there are many new mommy’s out there in those first couple of weeks feeling like the task at hand is daunting. It is, but you can do it. You’ll amaze yourself with all you are capable of; how much you can actually handle. I’m not going to tell you not worry about everything with your first, because you will. At least in the beginning. But I will tell you that it doesn’t stay completely overwhelming forever. Normalcy will return. And when it does, you’ll forget all about those first couple of weeks and be insane enough to want to do it all over again. But you should. You can totally do it.