Ever since Brogan’s feisty little personality started to present itself – along with the mischief and hyper-activity, I was certain this came from my husband. I had heard the stories from his parents about he and his twin brother always fighting; I still hear from his dad (to Blake) the infamous words, “you pay for your raising when you raise your own.” So surely Brogan’s traits were courtesy of his paternal chromosomes. And if it didn’t come from my husband, then it must have come straight out of thin air. Made sense to me.
And then one day at work, I was telling one my hundreds of Brogan stories, when I made the remark, “I don’t know where he gets it from” to which my co-worker quickly interjected, “you don’t know where he get’s it from?” “No.” Chuckles followed. “He gets it from you.” Bam. The honesty hit me upside the head. I have read about the Johari Window and the “Blind Spot” (the part of one’s self that is known to others, but not known to you) and perhaps I just thought I didn’t have one. I do. It’s that all of my adult quirks (and as I would discover later, my younger self as well) are alive in a toddler and that is just plain scary – it’s my energy level and buzzing throughout the office (whether or not I’ve had three cups of coffee, but especially when I do). It’s my tendency to rarely sit still and always have too much going on. I have been called headstrong and stubborn; I can sometimes be bossy, and a bit of a control-freak. My Meyers-Briggs type is ENFJ, which I’ve seen called a “smooth-talking persuader.” Oh yes, I did this to myself; my son gets it from me.
This realization was later substantiated by my Aunt over Labor Day weekend. After seeing Brogan in action for a couple of days, she asked, “you know who Brogan reminds me of?” [insert short-term memory failure] I replied, “Brian?” (my brother who when we were little was the hellion of the bunch and I can remember a time where he was spanked every single day – he was bad) “No,” my Aunt said, “you when you were his age.” Well damn. Apparently I’ve been like this for a while. She followed it up with flattery – I suppose she saw through most of Brogan’s antics in favor of the smart, independent, inquisitive little boy he is (as do I most the time, if I’m being honest). And when my mom was visiting this weekend, now in my enlightened state of being, I asked her opinion on the topic – she concurred.
Perhaps this realization will help me keep things in perspective. When I’m caught up in his behavior issues, feeling as though I’m failing him as a parent, worried that he may turn into a juvenile delinquent, I need to remember that I didn’t turn out half bad. It could be debated if I turned out half good eitherl, but let’s not split hairs. So I’m just going to embrace my little guy and his awesome genes and just own it. We’re two peas in a pod, after all.